Juggling Elephants Blog

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I were extremely frustrated with our teenage daughter (I said teenager so you are thinking... and you're surprised?). She is an outstanding young lady, but had become quite distant, aloof and downright cranky at times. When we had a discussion with her a few days ago, the reasons she gave for her disposition were somewhat surprising. She said, "I just feel so much pressure to get things done-I don't have alot of time to do what I want. I just would like not to be so rushed." And she is only 13.

While my wife and I consider ourselves to be "good parents," we sometimes don't do an adequate job helping our daughter learn to be the ringmaster of her circus. We might set a poor example or just expect her to jump into the lineup. We also haven't spent enough time helping her to better learn how to manage her time and energy.

Teens today face enormous pressures from all sides. Somehow in the midst of the chaos, we need to teach (and model) the behaviors that will help them deal with the rush of more complex acts that will come their way as they get older. What's the old saying, "An ounce of prevention......"

I am happy to report that after a family "performance review" our daughter is more like herself. And mom, dad and sister better understand what acts they need to have in their lineup to make sure it doesn't happen again soon.

Labels: family

We received an interesting insight from a reader:


I just read Juggling Elephants and love it! I understand about the three rings, but the other elephant that I juggle is the house. I have a full-time job that is overwhelming, and the other rings of relationship and self. Three rings might be enough for a man, but what about women - who have another ring - a whole job of taking care of a house and family when they get home?

Our response to her was to look again at the circus and determine what it would do with an extra ring. It would move resources from one or more of the other three rings to help manage the 4th ring. Remember, we can't do it all. We suggested she work with the other performers (spouse, children) to see if they would be willing to help better manage this 4th ring and possibly make it a higher priority in their lineup. Additional performers could be hired (to clean the house, etc.). Lastly, review all the acts in the lineup. Are there some that are more important right now and others that could be postponed or deleted from the lineup.

Labels: family, work/life balance

Today is recognized across the US as Family Day-A day to eat dinner with your children. According to CASA (Center for Addiction & Substance Abuse at Columbia University), research has consistently shown that children who eat dinner with their families at least 3 times per week are less likely to smoke, drink alcohol or use drugs.

That's not surprising. As a parent, the more time we spend in our "relationship ring" with our children, the more comfortable they are talking about any number of things. It's also a superb time for us to simply listen to them. I just spent the better part of 4 days with my 3 year old daughter and I can tell you that I have a much better understanding of her. Sure, I spend lots of time with my family members, but so often I am jumping from ring to ring instead of making my time with them the only act I am focused on at the moment.

May you bring a great performance into your relationship ring tonight-quality time with your family.

For more informaton on Family Day: http://www.casafamilyday.org/

Labels: family, priorities, relationships